I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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