Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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