Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
