I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
