I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
