beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
