New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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