so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
