Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize