just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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