He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
