Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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