she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
