Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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