im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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