Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize