Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize