My first STD was from a foam party
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
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This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
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My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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