Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.