Pappa wants mamma naked
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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