I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
