I molested 6 butterflies tonight
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
