i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
whose parrot is this?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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