...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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