Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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