somebody snuck up and got me drunk
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
