also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
