ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think your dad took our porno
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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