..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
