Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
