i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
