Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
