and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
