This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
