my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
