I am puke
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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