the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
