she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
