Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
