but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
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look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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