ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
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I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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