So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
