Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
