Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
