I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
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She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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