my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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