so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
