maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
