okay pat passed out under dana's car
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize