i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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