i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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