it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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