Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
