wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
