I will die if light touches me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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