u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
