i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
