remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We have started to decorate penises.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
