I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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