arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize