what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
