Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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