Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How does one acquire holy water?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
